by: Leslie D. Register

It all begins here! Yes, in this mirror. That person looking back at you holds all your hurt and healing. When we are in the thick of a challenge, we often want to look for the solutions in someone or something outside ourselves when in fact the very freedom we seek is only found in us.

 Do you know that nagging feeling that wells up in your gut telling you something is wrong? What happened to put it there? Is it fear? Fear of not getting what you wanted or thought you deserved. Did someone disappoint you? Did the outcome not go the way you planned? So, what happens now? We can blame others, or we can look inward to understand that my feelings- good or bad are mine and mine alone. It is mine to take action to heal.

The liquid in a bottle, the chocolate in the wrapper, the ‘Scratch Off” Lottery ticket….is not going to bring forth serenity. Serenity appears when we work on us. Yes, it’s an inside job and only you can take the lead.


1)Accept the truth. Denial is a hard pill to swallow. If we accept that we have been in denial of a problem, that can ignite shame and deflate us. We can become depressed, withdrawn and feel hopeless. These are all God given emotions and should be felt. Pain is the touchstone to growth! This very moment of pain can be your greatest joy. Why? Because you are feeling and seeing the truth. You are seeing what you have chosen to bury or worse ignore either because the current situation is comfortable or “not that bad”! As you accept the truth you once denied, you can then begin to change the dance and move to a new routine.

2) Seek guidance. Guidance comes in two forms 1) spiritual from a higher being 2) connection with others. Beginning with our spiritual practice is where you start to understand that we are naturally made to feel when something isn’t right. Even when we try to ignore the feeling, we know that we are simply trying to justify the harm. Through our acceptance of spiritual practice and relationship with a higher power we can lean into that intuition and make healthier choices. I choose God, Christ, the Holy Spirit as my guide. You choose your own. This is extremely personal, and no one should define your spiritual path.

 As we lean into our spiritual guide, we seek it to lead us to the people we can have fellowship with. Those who have gone before us will offer experience, strength and hope to help us build community and heal. Isolation is the silent killer. Connection is the loud healer. Get out of your shell. Tear away from shame and guilt and chase after those who have what you desire. Freedom, serenity, strength. All the things that you know are possible for yourself.

3) Change the dance. Want a different outcome, then move in a new direction. Taking the same path day after day can lead to an ‘auto pilot’ that feeling of I don’t remember how I got here. Our situations, relationships and choices are often like that. We keep doing what is familiar or routine, wanting a different outcome only to be disappointed when we don’t get it. Change, new beginnings and healing can’t begin till we pivot to a new path. When we choose to be uncomfortable walking the unknown is when we begin to find our solutions. We are given the freedom to fly, the direction we choose is our free will. So, if the choices we are making are not bringing us joy, isn’t it time to change the direction?